I get it.

(There’s really no need for anyone to keep reading.) 

Just for color: I’m 36, trans, out to as many people as I can count on one hand, and I’ve grown up being ashamed of my transness [though I’m quite an august tran on main]. 

When culture around transness started to incrementally become more and more celebrated, I was really glad... for everyone else. I thought “that’s great” but there was a looming feeling that this wave of acceptance would somehow push me out of the closet.

Because I’m still not fully out, I’ve been dealing with all the horrible ways I THOUGHT everyone would react to my coming out instead of the dealing with the reality of it. My mind can a mean motherfucker if left unfettered by the constraints of reality. 

One of the main fears of being trans for me was that I’d be treated differently. I didn’t want to be different, I wanted to be invisible. I still do. 

Being asked for one’s pronouns is something that our culture has never done before. Is it a good thing? Yeah, sure. It probably helps a lot of people feel seen and I’m all about that. 

I’m confident in the evolution of acceptance but I can’t forget that jerking America’s cultural wheel to the woke side has always been met with resistance. America tried converting the metric system and failed [USA!, USA!] so to expect the masses to onboard the woke dance that is pronoun introductions in any sort of genuine way seems idealistic at best and potentially detrimental at it’s worst. 

I can only imagine how validating it feels to be asked your pronouns and to be able to confidently announce them but in my head it plays out a little differently. In my head, people ask because you got hard clocked and they’re trying to make you feel included, implying you don’t naturally fit in. 

In response to the pronoun question I have to respond with what they already know is a lie (or else why would they have asked in the first place), OR I lie to myself and let them hold the turd that was intended to be an olive branch. 

“She/her” I’d underwhelmingly say, and everyone would pat me on the back for being so brave and I’d just barf on myself from the embarrassment. 

“He/him” I’d say to the looks of confusion and embarrassment for implying I look a queer and don’t really fit in. 

What are the other options? What is woke2.0 going to look like? I hope it doesn’t include shitting on the people that you loved 5 minutes before they tweeted something that offended you despite their body of work. The only thing I know is that, even though I kind of fucking hate where we’re at right now, this is what trans-wokeness 1.0 currently looks like and we’re going to have to grind through it to get to that next level. Whatever it may be.

With all that said, to anyone misfortune enough to still be reading this: let’s suit up, get out there, be seen, suffer through the remainder of the shitty part of woke1.0, and for Zoltan’s sake please stop shitting on trans trailblazers so the next generation can never have to worry about this same shit.